Today I had my first lesson and I am so relieved! I was desperate for it to arrive! I knew it would be hard but I’ve tried to approach it positively knowing that if I never try I’ll never know if I can deal with this fear or not.
First we sat in the car for about twenty minutes discussing my driving issues and then decided to head out towards Kidderminster as that is the route I recently attempted alone and then with G not very successfully. It’s a 50mph road, it’s fairly straight so you can see quite far ahead, it’s not too busy but it’s wide enough for other drivers to overtake if need be. And there are several pubs with car parks to pull into and analyse your performance!
My instructor, C, talked me through some breathing and distraction techniques and then we drove between three pubs stopping in their car parks to review each section. By the time we reached the first pub I could have happily gone in for a nerve-settling drink but obviously that was not allowed!
C wasn’t worried too much to start with about the speed and it kind of doesn’t matter if the signs on your vehicle show it is being driven by a learner! But as we did more circuits I began to relax and felt happier driving at higher speeds. We had a pretty normal chat amongst the various reminders from C to relax and use the distraction techniques. I dare say I was wittering away but it seemed to help!
I realise now that in some circumstances when driving, I feel the same as I do when I sit in the dentist’s chair! I’m ok, then I tense up subconsciously and then afterwards I realise how tense I am. If I start thinking too much about what I’m doing I tense up; and the distraction needs to start sooner than when I’m beginning to panic.
Indicating my level of fear and anxiety on a scale of 0-10 was helpful. I was at 0 up to the 40mph zone, increasing to 5-6 as we passed the 50mph sign then maybe 8 as we drove on the first couple of times. I didn’t have a full on panic but my chest and throat were tight and I struggled to speak.
We tackled the route, maybe 3 or 4 miles long, in sections with only a few minutes of driving between stops. The more we did it the more I was able to control my body and discipline my mind. By the end I’d say I was between 1 and 3 on the fear scale with the 2 and 3 coming in waves rather than constant. And I did a full there and back to the last pub with no stops on the final lap. I was so proud of myself!
Interesting things I learned:
- One of the best distraction techniques was answering maths questions! Mental arithmetic is not my forte so this engaged my brain quite well.
- Driving instructors covering up the speedometer is a weird but surprisingly helpful technique!
- I rarely drive without stopping for more than a couple of minutes. All my driving is in urban areas and is punctuated by traffic lights or road junctions. In order to improve I need to practice going longer distances.
The things I need to practice now are:
1) Driving between pubs 1 and 2 and back, then between pubs 2 and 3 and back, etc.
2) Keeping both hands on the steering wheel at 3 and 9 o’clock.
3) Shoulders down (think Strictly!)
4) Deeper, regular breathing, NCT-style!
5) Visualisation of me going on an enjoyable drive. Where? Who with? What I’d see? How I’d feel at the wheel?
6) Vocalisation of positive feelings about driving. I have to re-programme my mind to think of it as a positive experience and not allow myself to persist in a negative way of thinking and talking about it.
C warned me that I may feel I’ve gone backwards again when I next go out but I must persist. Whoever my first passenger is will need to be brave! He also asked if I thought I’d want any more lessons so I said a definite yes! I would like to tackle dual carriageways with his assistance but I know I mustn’t allow myself to become reliant on him and his dual control pedals, which incidentally were not required!
I have to practice with a passenger (of the adult variety!) the route we did today over the next couple of weeks and then ring C to update him. I’m aiming to feel comfortable enough to do it alone (or more practically with a child passenger!). Also it would be good to actually make it to Kidderminster and reward myself with a trip to Dunelm! I think the urban roads start about a mile or so after pub 3.
I am very reluctant to practice in the dark so I need to book up some passengers for the weekends. I figure having a chat with someone I don’t see every day may prove to be a good distraction and if they’re also good at maths it will help!
So, if you see me over the next couple of weeks feel free to ask me what practicing I’ve done and to tell me off if I haven’t done any! Thanks for all your support and prayers; it is greatly appreciated. I’ll report back soon!
The Anxious Driver 